The WTF version of Macross!
by ChaosValkyire
Summary: A hilarious recreation of the Macross saga, read laugh and review please!


So the Zentradi came in all their spaceships and cruisers and battlepods that looked like ostriches. Unfortuantly, this proved a probolem. In australia, a battlepod landed infront of a drunk and high hunter, who mistook it for a giant ostrich god of death. He shot it once with its rifle in the knee, and the thing kicked him in the gut. As he flew through the air, he thought..."damn, this ostrich should play rugby...whats rugby? oh yeah, rugby..."  
  
***  
  
An astronomer in cuba looks up into the sky....and there...is this huge zentradi battleship sideways to the lens. He looks up and says..."wow, thats the biggest cigar I've ever seen...hey, it burns with blue flames awsome!" then he got the biggest light of his life.  
  
***  
  
And then, the mighty SDF-1 took off to do battle with the ostrichs, cigars, and....yeah....and they were AMAZINGLY VICTORIOUS!!!! But unfortunatly our hero, bob...er...rick...was stranded in the streets with a beautiful young hippo...er....singer to be named ohmygodshesoundslikeaparakeet....I'm sorry...her name was minmay...fred...er...rick....liked her very much, and when he crashed into her house and nearly blew the whole thing up, then had to catch her from falling to her death and avoid her getting her head melted into slag from a laser all because he knew this guy named roy....she like him alot too. Too bad that minmay is....diffrent....and happens to be in love with her cousin kyle who turns about to be an ancient samuri warrior with mysticl death rays...er...a movie star....  
  
The zentradi saw this movie, and one of them, myria, wanted to watch it live...so she flew her whole squadron down there and got her tail kicked by her future dependancy...er...husband...but anyway, she came there, she tried to play video games, but max was a nerd, so he beat her again, so she threw some knvies at him and tried to beat him down in the bushes one night but ended up making out with him. Funny how things go...  
  
Joe...er...rick...has fallen in love with his second in command, Lisa....who is a shy girl, but loves the millitary...so for their first date, rick told her everything about millitary issue toilet paper...she loved him so much after that, that she didn't even tell him because she loved him so much that she shot him outa the sky on accident. Man, I tell ya, those two had such romantic moments. She brought in some flowers that had been gassed with an irritant to tick him off, so when his friends came in, he grabbed a mop and beat them upside the head till he left.  
  
Then all the zentradi came and earth went kaboom in many ways. So by accident Lisa's dad writes rick an IM before they shot off the BMG900000000 and wiped out all the cigars, ostriches, and....yeah....  
  
then he died from confsuion and rick had a great time laughing his butt off...until some ostriches blew up his plane, and he crashed and picked up lisa, who thought they were the last two on earth and went semi insane. (They cut the cannibalistic attack out of the DVD's) So rick lost his left pinkie and cried about it inside his mind, but he couldn't stop staring at lisa...........  
  
left eyebrow, it was just freakin him out, it was twitching and all, so finally, while the camera's off, he goes. "DUDE, YOUR EYEBROW IS FREAKIN ME OUT" and sliced it off with a bayonet for his battleoid's gun...tom...er...rick....is strong, he can benchpress a zentradi ....  
  
So then years later Max and Myria had a baby girl who they named Dana...poor max, he did everything he could and the girl would only cry. So finally, he did the only thing he had left. He leaned over and whispered in Dana's ear....  
  
"Checkpoistickydoo all for you, and we'll go to the zoo, where the cows go moo, but only if you.......SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" an yeah, she did some matrix stuff and beat him down, but myria thought it was funny, and made a side bet with george...er...rick...ahh w/e  
  
So kyrhon blows up all this stuff, and Gloval tries to sue him, so he takes the parakeet...er....minmay hostage, but she stabs him with a giant fork and gets away. Tim...er...Rick comes later and does it again, minmay came back to the place just because she wanted to be rescued again. So Kyhron is mad, and blows up the SDF-1 and macross city...so jim er....rick....and lisa hook up and get a place together, lisa cleans, cooks, and does all the work...rick flys a plane and blows up ostriches...er...battlepods...and some ostrichs on the side (one day he felt a little redneck)  
  
THen they all get on a big green spaceship and go to tirol, but the invid are there and the invid taste like cheese...and the drivethrough service isn't selfserve, and all they serve are nasty plasma weapons. Those are spicy though...jay..er...rick...is old now, and can't do anything right anymore...so lisa almost dumped him, and he got stranded out in space. With a bunch of morons. Who fly a big green spaceship. YAY! THE END! 


End file.
